i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
