my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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