Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
