so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
