piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
