Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize