She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
