remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
