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• (813): View more from Florida

  Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.

  Fav 13 1026 3698

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"

  Fav 16 1639 6179

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• (323): View more from California

  Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.

  Fav 17 5162 1248

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'

  Fav 24 5230 1564

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• (917): View more from New York City

  She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.

  Fav 4 1377 2994

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it

  Fav 15 4605 1122

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.

  Fav 14 2252 1163

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• (716): View more from New York

  You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.

  Fav 7 1640 953

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• (407): View more from Florida

  While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning

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• (713): View more from Texas

  He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.

  Fav 2 739 504

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• (863): View more from Florida

  She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.

  Fav 4 162 326

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• (409): View more from Texas

  we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman

  Fav 3 63 10

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.

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