Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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