Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
