but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
