Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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