Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
