it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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