Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
