Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
