I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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