Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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