I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
