break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
