Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
