Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
