he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
