sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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