A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
