Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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