you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
