there was a trapeze. enough said
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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