If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
