the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
