Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
