he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
