I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
