He asked to "fluff my boner.."
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
