AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
