Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
