I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize