i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize