Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
