Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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