We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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