party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
