the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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