i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
