So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't turn off my feet"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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