can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize