so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
