i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
