I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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