i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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