he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
