Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
