i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
