Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think your dad took our porno
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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