I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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