I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
