Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
