its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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