My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
