The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So vagazzling was a success
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
