it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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