If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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