I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
