then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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