He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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