He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
