i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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