Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
