I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
