ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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