never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
