90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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