Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
