me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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