Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
